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~:: A Change of Heart ::~

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Her mind was racing so fast that it made her feel almost faint. Had Cale just kissed her? She was as stunned as if she’d been hit by a Tac Ops grenade. Her emotions wavered between confusion and fear. You shouldn’t have opened up to him like this, she chided herself. What right do you have to place such an expectation on him?

Her breath quickened as she looked first into his eyes and then down at the lips that just seconds before were pressing hot against her own.

“Cale…” she began, as tears began to flow in earnest. What had she just done?

“What’s wrong, Az?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

“I do not know,” she admitted honestly, shaking her head as her damp platinum locks fell over her face.

As he watched the clouds of emotion cross her visage, he felt a genuine pang of guilt at the thought that his words may have been the cause of the pain he saw roiling behind her crystal blue eyes. “Az,” he whispered softly, “I’m sorry.” He had no idea exactly what he was apologizing for, but he instinctively knew that it was the right thing to do in this situation.

“Oh, Cale, I am the one who should be apologizing,” she sobbed. “I had no right to ask this of you. I do not know what I was thinking,” she dropped her head. “I…I should go now.”

“In your robe? Az, please,” he urged gently, putting a hand under her chin and lifting it to bring her gaze up to meet his as he leaned down over her. She looked up with wet lashes, her eyes sparkling through the tears. “It’s okay.”

She shook her head. “No, it is not okay. It was… a… lapse in judgment. I am truly sorry. I should never have put you in this position. I just thought…I thought…” She let out a deep, tearful sigh.

“Az…” he began, searching for the right words to stem the flood of tears. “I…” stammered out as something deep within him that he didn’t entirely understand interrupted his train of thought. After a brief moment of hesitancy, he tried to force himself to speak again but instead found himself once again pressing his lips to hers, this time with a gentle fervor. Her stomach felt as though it was churning like a hurricane, even as her body began responding to the urgings that the touch of their lips evoked. The kiss deepened as he put his hand behind her head and pulled her closer, pressing his lips hard against her own. As feelings of desire began to surface that she’d never allowed herself to experience, sheer panic began to rise in her chest, threating to suffocate her with its intensity. Her one and only experience with a male had been the violent assault from Xandaros that resulted in Naimah’s birth. That was an act of absolute brutality and evoked only memories of pain and fear. She had never even been kissed until now and had certainly never been intimate with a male. She suddenly realized she had absolutely no idea what should happen next. The brave warrior who had faced down arch-villains and giant monstrosities suddenly found herself feeling unsure and afraid.

He sensed her fear and softened the kiss, pulling away enough to murmur into her mouth, “Az, relax, it’s going to be fine.”

“I… I don’t know what to do,” she blurted, muffled against his soft lips.

He chuckled softly as he let his hand drop down from the back of her head to stroke her shoulder as he slid his fingers under the collar of the soft robe. “I can show you,” he said, his voice low, breathy and confident.

She was trembling and had a look of absolute panic in her glittering blue eyes. “Cale! I do not think I can…”

He moved a finger gently to her lips in a shushing gesture. “Az, I thought you wanted a baby?” he said in a husky voice.

“I… I… do,” she said in a defeated tone, “but I do not think I can…do…do this.” I cannot even speak of this openly, how could I ever actually go through with the act itself, she thought glumly.

Part of him understood fully why she was so afraid of intimacy. First, she’d struggled to maintain her chaste demeanor all her life. And though she did not discuss it, he guessed that her horrific experience with Xandaros that resulted in the birth of her accursed firstborn had deeply scarred her.

I need to take it slowly and gently, he reminded himself, despite the feelings of desire that were suddenly awakening within him. As his eyes locked with hers, he suddenly realized how much he truly cared for her.

He gave her a soft, disarming smile. “You know there are certain things that need to happen to make a baby, right?” he whispered gently.

Looking at the cascade of changing emotions that were crossing her pristine features, he suddenly was struck with how stunning she truly was. Her eyes were sparkling pools of the brightest crystal blue, graced with thick lashes. Her lips were full and even without a trace of makeup were a beautiful, flushed red. Her cheekbones were high and glowed with a delicate blush, a result of her state of emotional distress, no doubt. As he studied her, he was suddenly overcome with an urge to kiss her, his beloved enigma.

This time he did so very lightly, brushing his lips against her own with a feathery light touch. “Come with me,” he breathed against them as his lips danced lightly against her own. He took her by the hand.

He backed up and stood, pulling her along with him by one hand. Her other hand still held her garments clutched tightly against her chest while simultaneously tugging modestly at the robe which was now threatening to fall off her shoulders. She stood, suddenly frozen in place by her fear. It was apparent that she was using every bit of her resolve to keep from yanking her hand from his grasp and running headlong from his apartment. “We don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, Az,” he said softly. “Let’s just relax for a while.”

She looked into his eyes through her own tears. “Okay,” she said in a quiet voice. She looked down at the floor as he gently tugged her hand, leading her down the hall to his room.

Suddenly he wished he’d been a bit more tidy, as he looked at the overflowing hamper and the unmade bed. Never had he thought of inviting his longtime partner into his bedroom. He released her hand from his grasp and motioned towards his bed as he pulled the bedspread up and smoothed it. Patting the bed, he urged her forward and said, “Please sit.”

She gingerly sat, or rather perched at the very edge of the bed as though she was poised for flight. She tugged at her robe to ensure anything immodest was appropriately covered, then realized how absurd that must seem, considering the fact that she was now in his bedroom and on his bed. Once again, tears welled in her eyes. He sensed her discomfort and reached his hand out to stroke her soft cheek. “Don’t cry, okay?”

“I…I…I will…t-t-try… not to cry.” She stammered, shuddering visibly.

“Let me rub your shoulders. That will help you relax,” he suggested gently.

“Okay,” she said again, in an almost inaudible whisper this time, still frozen in place at the very edge of the bed.

He climbed onto the bed and moved slowly behind her, half afraid that if he moved too quickly, she’d launch herself from her perch and flee from his abode. He kneeled behind her and reached up with both hands to knead gently at her shoulders. She was hard as stone, her muscles tense and poised for flight. He could tell she was fighting the urge to run away with every bit of her willpower.

He leaned in close and breathed into her ear, “Relax.”

Easier said than done, she thought bitterly. Her stomach felt like it was trying to tie itself like an ornate macramé and her temples were throbbing.

He placed his warm hands on both sides of her neck and started to run his fingers ever so lightly over her soft skin as he pushed her robe aside. She reached a hand to her chest to hold the robe fast to her décolletage, as it slid from her shoulders. Gently he kneaded her stiff muscles. She closed her eyes and drew a long, deep breath, trying to will herself to relax. Mixed feelings of apprehension, nervousness and guilt were making it very difficult.

“Cale,” she began in a quivering voice, “Maybe we shouldn’t…” Once again he softly laid a finger to her lips. “Az, listen, I know you are nervous. I know this is all new to you. Let’s try this. Why don’t we just lay down and relax together. Maybe even just take a little nap. Does that sound good?” He hesitated for a moment, “Have you ever… cuddled?”

She dropped her eyes, and shook her head as she felt tears once again threatening to spill over her lashes.

“Okay,” he said gently, “just lay back.”

She lifted her gaze and in her eyes, he saw abject fear. It made his breath catch in his throat as the threat of tears began to sting his own eyes. “Az, are you really afraid of me?” he whispered.

“NO!” she cried. “Cale, it’s not you. I’m afraid… I’m just afraid of… “

“Of being intimate?”

She began to cry in earnest this time and nodded her head. “I just do not know what to do,” she sobbed.

He moved to her side and pulled her back into his arms as he laid back on the bed. He cradled her head on his chest, stroking her hair away from her face as her tears fell in a warm torrent onto his bare skin. She was so deep in despair at that moment that she melted into his arms, welcoming his strong and protective embrace. For what seemed like hours he held her close and just let her sob against his firm chest.

Soon the sobs became quieter and less frequent, as she nestled into his arms. He nuzzled her gently and lightly kissed her forehead, his fingers entwining themselves in her soft hair.

As he stroked her hair, his fingers moved away from her face and pulled her long white-blonde tresses back over a thick horn. As he did so, he absently began to stroke one of her horns, running his fingers from the curve down to her soft scalp and back again. His touch was feather light, using just the tips of his fingers. She began to relax in his arms and the sobs grew fainter and fainter and soon were replaced by a soft panting. He quickly realized that what he was doing must be feeling good to her, so he redoubled his effort to gently trace her horns and lingered at the base where horn met scalp, gently massaging and lightly scratching there.

She began to feel a very unfamiliar feeling that centered somewhere deep in her belly but soon spread out all over her being. She felt as if the wall of uncertainty and fear were melting beneath his tender touches. The feelings were new and confusing but at the same time, pleasant and urging her to revel in the sensations his touch was giving her. As her panting increased, he adjusted his position to bring his lips to hers, never once interrupting the light paths his fingers were tracing. As his lips touched hers, she murmured softly against his lips. “Oh, Cale.”

He opened his eyes just as she opened hers. As their gazes locked at such close range, she could feel his Nictus energies sampling her own surging demonic energies as she began to feel the first ever stirrings of arousal. The confusion in her eyes was soon dispelled by the mixture of love and lust that emanated from his own Nictus-infused gaze.

Their eyes locked, he moved his hand from behind her horn to trace soft tickles on the nape of her neck, and dancing across her shoulder. He hooked his nimble fingers under the fabric of her robe and smoothly pulled it off the shoulder, down to her elbow. This had the benefit of freeing one breast to his touch as he smoothly moved his hand down her arm and against the side of her breast with a slow, determined motion. He flicked a finger out and grazed her nipple, already stiffening at being uncovered. The touch sent a thrill that coursed through her like an electric shock, and a small cry escaped her lips.

“Cale,” she panted as he covered her lips with his own. Kissing her passionately, he gently caressed her exposed breast, lightly rolling the now erect bud between a finger and thumb. Before she could form a coherent protest, he pulled his lips away from hers just far enough to breath the words “Let me make love to you, Az.”

The sensation coursing through her had crumbled her façade of self-control and his breathy suggestion was met only with a soft, murmured assent and a gentle nod as her body began to writhe next to him.


As the light peeked cautiously around the dark curtains of his bedroom, she opened her eyes and realized first, that she was not in her own bed. Then she realized a sleeping Cale was next to her. Finally, she realized that both of them were as naked as when they were born. A surge of panic rose in her throat. Where are my clothes? Will I awaken Cale if I get up? “I’m awake,” he murmured softly as if he’d read her mind. “Ready for more?” he said with a lusty grin.

Her face burned bright, but she had to admit as he reached for her and pulled her close, her body was responding to his touch almost beyond any voluntary control.

“What is DeLara going to think?” she asked aloud, more to herself than to him.

He chuckled. “I think she’s going to be happy. After all, she’s been hoping we’d hook up for how long now?”

“She knows I left with you and did not return home. Do you think she knows…?”

“If I know your sister,” he answered wryly, “she was probably using her empathic sense to eavesdrop on us.”

Her face took on a truly crimson hue.

He reached out to her and pulled her back into a gentle embrace. Kissing her softly, he said “Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?”

She nodded, realizing it was the best sleep she’d ever had in her life. She’d never felt as relaxed as she had when she fell asleep completely and thoroughly exhausted in his strong arms.

“So, about that ‘ready for more’ question, I don’t remember you giving me an answer,” he grinned waggling his eyebrows. She blushed but couldn’t help herself from breaking into a radiant smile at the memories from the previous night. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured. He brought his lips to meet hers as their bodies melted into each other once again.